Flying Jedi
I’ve never seen a Jedi fly. Why not?
Think about it – you’ve seen the movies, I know you have – the only people who haven’t seen at least one Star Wars movie died before 1977 or haven’t been born yet. People still milking on their mother’s breast have seen Star Wars. Folks have had DVD’s play for them on their death-beds. Jihadists from Darkest Trashcanistan have seen Star Wars. That’s just the way it is, don’t argue.
But when have you ever seen a Jedi actually fly?
No, you yutz, not in a spaceship! Heck, even I can fly in a spaceship, and I have enough Jedi power to turn off the light-switch – with a little help from my finger.
Check it out – just about every one of the movies featured a Jedi either falling to his death, or nearly falling to his death.
But he can use the “Force” to move everything else in the world all over the place! “Wooo, hoooo! Look at me-ee, I’m grabbing my light saber from meters away with the Power of the Force! WOWee!”
So why can’t he move himself all over the place?
Come on, where’s the logic?
You can’t tell me it’s because the “Force” doesn’t work on his own body. Why the heck not? Isn’t his body made up of material stuff, full of all those goodies that “binds the universe together”?
Don’t tell me those midi-chlorines that give him the Power have a problem with moving their own host body, huh? What, they got issues?
Ok, let’s say that’s true. How about his clothing, huh? Ok, let’s assume for a nanosecond that a Jedi can’t move his own body, for some weird technical reason – so move the clothing around, and, you know, the body just goes along for the ride, being all inside the clothing and stuff.
Huh? Why not?
Oh, well, now maybe somebody says the Jedi has to move things relative to his body – it’s like putting a big fan on a sailboat to blow against the sails doesn’t work. Ok, I’ll bite -- move the ground away from you! Particularly, move it downwards. That’s simple, huh?
How about this excuse – the muddy-chlorides have to have some distance between the host and the objec’ d’ force, hmm? I got a solution for that too! Tie a line to your light saber or something!
That’s right – you’ve seen those retractable dog leashes, right? Ok, so toss one of those bad boys up into the air; hold on to one end, “Force” the other end higher and higher, and whoosh! You’re flying!
All right, now somebody says maybe, well a Jedi has to concentrate to make the “Force” work. Well, sure. But that’s what training is for, people! Jedi spend their whole lives, practically from infancy, in training. So you practice this!
Obviously your life might depend on it!
Hey, look – you’re falling from a treacherous perch outside of Senator Palpable’s apartment, accelerating towards your doom at 32 feet per second per second (or whatever it is on that planet) – don’t you think it would at least be worth a try??
Boy, howdy, I know I’d sure try it! Take off my belt and tie it to my shirt and holler, “Force, don’t fail me now!” Aim those mini-coloradoans at the ground floor, and PUSH!! PU-U-U-USH!!
Sheesh, I can’t believe Yoda’s been around for 900 years, and never thought of this! No wonder the Sitch Lords could beat their butts!
They got all the innovative ideas of a modern-day Democrat!